This is an AI translation from the original Chinese version.
The door finally opened, and Miss Jessica Mann emerged, dressed in a pure white sweater. At 34 years old, she nervously tugged at the cuffs, resembling a shy girl as she walked toward her position under the flashing lights.
Mann had been navigating Hollywood for a decade, and this scene was supposed to be a celebration. However, it was hard for her to view it as the pinnacle of her life because she was about to stand in the New York Supreme Court for Criminal Cases. She was there to recount every detail of her rape and every nuance of her psychological turmoil. She was up against Harvey Weinstein, a man who had garnered 341 Oscar nominations and won 81 Oscars, a king who had ruled Hollywood. Yet, she was resolute in her accusations against him for predatory sexual assault, which could lead to a life sentence, as well as first and third-degree rape charges that could result in 25 and 4 years in prison, respectively.
On the day of the hearing, the 67-year-old former king, trembling and using a walker, passed through the gaze of over a hundred reporters and spectators. Ignoring the disdainful murmurs and scrutinizing looks, he calmly walked into the courtroom, determined to prove his innocence and clear his name. Two years prior, he had fallen from grace almost overnight. Over 80 women, including superstar Angelina Jolie and a small assistant, had come forward to accuse him of sexual harassment, assault, and rape, with incidents spanning 40 years. He single-handedly ignited the global #MeToo movement.
As the trial began on January 6, 2020, known as the “first #MeToo case,” only two main witnesses, including Mann, took the stand. As with many sexual assault cases, conflicting narratives left the audience confused. Now, all eyes were on the old and solemn courthouse, hoping it would provide answers. However, the cold machinery of justice was destined to tear apart the hearts of men and women, unearthing the most difficult truths to articulate.
Thinking of this harsh process, Mann had not slept well for two weeks, haunted day and night by her trauma. At that moment, she held a stress ball in her hand, standing at the witness stand, taking deep breaths, and swore:
“I solemnly, sincerely, and truthfully swear and affirm that the testimony I provide is true, complete, and only the truth.”
In early 2013, Mann attended a party hosted by a wealthy Hollywood mogul. That day, she spotted an older man speaking with her friend Talita Maya from a distance.
The man, dressed in a tuxedo, appeared quite pleased with himself, standing out from the crowd.
“Who is this guy?” Mann approached and asked them.
“Ha, you don’t know who I am?” the old man replied.
“I don’t.”
“I am Harvey Weinstein.”
“Oh?”
“I am the producer of ‘Shakespeare in Love’ and other Oscar-winning films.”
Maya nervously tugged at Mann’s arm, urging her to stop asking questions.
Little did she know that the man standing before her was a god of Hollywood.
Although he was overweight and not conventionally attractive, that did not hinder his sharp eye for talent or his ambitious spirit. Born in New York in 1952, he and his brother started their business from scratch at the age of 27, focusing on independent art films and foreign films that major studios overlooked, establishing themselves as competitors to mainstream production companies.
In 1989, he transformed “Cinema Paradiso,” a film that had flopped, into an Oscar-winning success, solidifying his place in the American film landscape. He was instrumental in launching Quentin Tarantino’s career, overseeing the release of nearly all his films. He assembled the first lobbying public relations team in the U.S. to target the Oscars and became a primary channel for foreign films entering the American market, including Zhang Yimou’s “The Road Home,” Chen Kaige’s “Farewell My Concubine,” Hayao Miyazaki’s “Spirited Away,” and many others. It can be said that behind many classic films that pierced the heart, there was Weinstein, an extremely hardworking perfectionist who dedicated most of his life to the films he loved.
At the same time, he was notorious for his ruthless style. After cutting 50 minutes from “Cinema Paradiso” to make it a success, he became known as a controversial editor. He cut nearly 20 minutes from the American version of “Farewell My Concubine,” reportedly infuriating the Cannes Film Festival judges, who criticized Weinstein for making it “nonsensical.” Miyazaki told The Guardian that Japanese producers, in an effort to protect their work, sent Weinstein a samurai sword along with a note that read: “Do not cut.”
Despite the controversies, over 40 years, the brothers built their business from needing their mother to help at the front desk to attracting an $80 million investment from Disney, launching countless actors’ careers, and establishing a powerful film empire in Hollywood.
On the night she met the god, Mann was just one of the countless “Hollywood drifters,” small and insignificant.
She was born in a remote, impoverished village in Washington State. The divorce of her parents when she was four, followed by their subsequent remarriages, filled her childhood with insecurity. The rare moments of happiness came when she left the cow farm, filled with the smell of manure, to perform with theater troupes. Acting became her only solace amid her misfortunes.
After graduating high school, she worked as a hairstylist and at McDonald’s to support her acting aspirations. At 25, to pursue her dream of becoming a star, she moved to Los Angeles alone, struggling to pay rent and sometimes living on the streets. She claimed to have sacrificed a lot for acting, even having a fierce argument with her father. However, the shows she participated in either never aired or were limited to traveling theater. After two years of struggling in Los Angeles, it seemed she had never even knocked on Hollywood’s door, let alone earned money to take proper acting classes.
But that night, as darkness fell, Weinstein pulled her aside and said, “Don’t let anyone see us talking; it’s not good for either of us.” Mann was taken aback.
Weinstein then mysteriously added, “I like your looks and I’m interested in you as an actress.” He asked for her phone number.
Reflecting on the beginning of it all, Mann lost her focus in court. When she snapped back to reality, the prosecutor had already asked her for the second time, “Did he contact you afterward?”
He did.
Soon, he invited Mann to a bookstore, where he gifted her four books and told her that to be an actress, she needed to know the history of film. He then took her to an expensive restaurant for dinner, where he inquired about her background and expressed his willingness to bring her into his revered star-making factory. At that time, 27 and with nothing to her name, Mann had every reason to be excited. She believed, “God has finally favored me because I have been true to myself and my dreams.”
During the period, someone approached Weinstein to compliment him, interrupting his conversation, which made him quite annoyed. He instructed the waiter to take the food away and send it to his room upstairs.
In the room, Weinstein lost his appetite. He unbuttoned his jacket and said he wanted to help Maureen with a massage. Maureen replied that she did not want a massage. After going back and forth a few times, Weinstein said, “Then how about you help me with a massage?”
“Why didn’t you leave the room when he took off his shirt and lay on the bed?” Weinstein’s defense attorney, Donna Rotunno, asked.
“I didn’t want to provoke him; I just wanted to de-escalate the situation and end the meeting on a pleasant note.”
“You could have walked out of that room and never seen Weinstein again, right?”
“That would have been tantamount to declaring my career over.”
Donna was not buying this argument. The female lawyer, who faced a barrage of criticism as soon as she appeared in court, firmly believed in everyone’s right to a defense. She stated, “You must truly believe in this principle.”
Thus, some say that between Weinstein and prison stands Donna, a true fighter. This lawyer from Chicago, without an elite educational background, built her career through hard work. She has a history of successfully defending around 40 men accused of sexual assault, with only one failure. She keeps a photo of that one failed client in her office as a reminder.
Consequently, at this gathering where all the women came to bury Weinstein, Donna was seen as a “traitor to women.” However, she identifies as the ultimate feminist. This woman, who appears in high fashion, walks in high heels, and has a makeup style reminiscent of a witch but carries the aura of Iron Man, does not believe that women are naive, innocent, ignorant, or incapable of taking responsibility. She criticizes women for wanting benefits without accepting risks. She disapproves of women voluntarily staying in hotel rooms and then refusing to take responsibility for what happens afterward. She said, “Women have choices. Many women who said no walked out of that room, and they are now quite famous.”
Donna Rotunno, image source: Chicago Magazine.
Her confrontations with Maureen in court often felt like watching two women argue. They seemed to dislike each other intensely, as Maureen clearly did not leave the room. She applied lotion with stiff fingers on Weinstein’s back, even though she found the sight of the overweight man and his back covered in blackheads uncomfortable.
“You did this because you wanted to leverage his power, right?” Donna asked. Every time I heard her ask the low, oppressive “right” in court, I felt a shiver. That commanding tone demanded Maureen’s submission and defeat.
But Maureen appeared unafraid in court. She answered in various ways, even challenging the court—refusing to answer, but conceding was not an option:
“Leverage? No. I hoped everything would be professional.”
“Regardless of professionalism, you wanted to gain something, right?”
“I also wanted to gain something from my agents, but they wouldn’t put me in that position.”
“As an aspiring actress, you should know this job isn’t just about luck, right?”
“I want to say… I want to say… I believe in luck because there are always stories like Charlize Theron making it big. At that time, it sounded very real to me.”
In that legend tinged with opportunism, Theron, once so poor she had to steal bread to survive, was discovered by a talent scout and skyrocketed to fame, eventually winning an Oscar for Best Actress. It is unclear whether these tales include her hard work, courage, and acting skills, or if they acknowledge that she initially played minor roles without lines. But similar stories certainly include the unspoken rules that Maureen often heard, such as which actress slept with whom to land a particular role.
After the massage, Maureen claimed she fled in a panic. However, Weinstein began inviting her for tea, coffee, and even offered her evening gowns, especially inviting her to a series of Oscar parties on February 23 and 24, 2013.
On the exciting night of the awards ceremony, Weinstein donned a tuxedo and attended the event in formal attire, just like everyone else. Looking at the dazzling world around her, Maureen expressed that she, like every other actress, longed to stand at the pinnacle of Best Actress. She mentioned that she, like everyone else, enjoyed the party described as having “so many philosophical questions that may never be answered: What is truth? What is reality? How to throw a proper Oscar party?”
With laughter and toasts, filled with excitement, Maureen and Maya were invited by Weinstein to a nearby Montage Hotel for drinks. He told Maureen she was more beautiful than Natalie Portman and suggested she needed to clean her face for close-up shots in films. Finally, he mentioned he was producing a vampire movie and thought Maureen and Maya would be perfect for the two leading roles.
In the magical dream of the party, with the clinking of glasses and laughter, the hopeful visions of the future, and the king’s olive branch extended to the Cinderella who had never played a leading role, this vague movie became her life-changing glass slipper. She might not have realized that all of this was very much Weinstein’s style: first, a massage to test the waters, then promises, and finally, the establishment of a sexual relationship.
As the night grew late, Maureen said Weinstein asked them to go upstairs to his room to look at a script. Just as the two newcomers sat on the living room sofa waiting for the script of their dreams, Weinstein walked into the bedroom.
Suddenly, he called Maureen inside. She awkwardly approached the door and asked what was going on. Weinstein pulled her in, closed the door, and began kissing her aggressively. Maureen said, “Wow, wow, wow, I told you I didn’t want to have sex, and I don’t know you well.” She noted that the more she resisted, the angrier Weinstein became, using more force: “You accepted my invitations to those parties; you have to let me do something for you, or I won’t let you leave.” Maureen said she was frightened, and to calm him down, she jokingly asked, “What do you want?” He instructed her to sit on the bed and then attempted to perform oral sex on her. Throughout the ordeal, Maureen remained quiet and did not call for help from her friends outside.
Maya was alone in the bedroom watching television; she did not hear anything and did not ask what was happening. She later explained in court that this was because Maureen voluntarily went upstairs and willingly entered the bedroom; Weinstein did not lure them with a script because he never mentioned a script that night.
No one knows whose testimony is more credible. But at that moment, Maureen sat on the bed for a long time, and to end it all, she pretended to have an orgasm. When Weinstein asked how she felt, she replied, “It was the best orgasm I’ve ever experienced.”
“You never wanted to have sex with Weinstein, right?” Donna asked.
“Never wanted to.”
“Even when you said both parties consented, you didn’t want to, right?”
“Correct.”
“So, every time an unwilling sexual encounter happened, you were lying to him?”
“I did play along with him, but there was no substantial sexual interaction.” Maureen did not directly answer that question.
The notion that actresses created illusions for Weinstein seems to be an open secret in Hollywood. In 2013, during the Oscar nominations announcement, host Seth MacFarlane, after reading the nominees for Best Supporting Actress, said, “Congratulations to the five of you; from now on, you no longer need to pretend to be attracted to Harvey Weinstein.” The audience erupted in laughter.
Reflecting on the public jokes, rumors, stigma, and unspoken rules surrounding actresses, McGowan expressed her desire to stay away from it all. Before that night, she mentioned that she had only had sexual relations with a few people. She did not want that incident to happen, but she lacked a time machine. She felt confused and hurt, yet life pushed her forward—despite finding Weinstein repulsive and smelling like feces, she chose to engage with him.
During their first encounter after that night, she saw Weinstein completely naked: his genitals bore severe scars, resembling burns; he had no testicles but appeared to have a vagina; he was androgynous yet had a penis; he seemed to reach orgasm but could not ejaculate. Upon seeing his genitals for the first time, McGowan felt a surge of sympathy, as if she suddenly understood why Weinstein could be so enraged at times, possibly stemming from his pain.
However, sympathy could not dispel the humiliation, as she soon realized this was an incredibly degrading relationship. They met frequently, and Weinstein would say filthy things to McGowan or share his perverse sexual experiences with other actresses. She tearfully described how Weinstein urinated on her, and she could only turn away and endure it; once, he organized a threesome, but McGowan ultimately could not accept it and ran to the bathroom in tears. Each time Weinstein heard the word “no,” it was as if a gun was cocked, ready to unleash his fury. McGowan described him as someone who needed her to satisfy his sexual urges, only to discard her afterward.
McGowan stated that Weinstein never treated her as an equal.
She carefully avoided actual intercourse, opting only for oral sex. In mid-March 2013, McGowan and her friends went to New York, intending to meet Weinstein. However, on March 18, he showed up early and checked into the hotel where she was staying.
Panicking, McGowan knew what was about to happen. She rushed to the front desk, asking them not to give him her room number. Weinstein pulled her aside, angrily telling her not to embarrass him. McGowan dared not speak up again; she thought about confronting him upstairs or yelling at him. But she never managed to truly confront him.
In the room, McGowan made excuses, saying her friends would arrive soon and suggested they go downstairs. Twice, she attempted to open the door to leave, but Weinstein forcefully blocked her. Realizing she could not escape, McGowan felt a sense of resignation. Weinstein ordered her to undress, but she refused. He grabbed her hand, his voice sharp and commanding, forcing her to take off her clothes. McGowan felt both angry and scared, as it was the first time Weinstein had physically restrained her.
Ultimately, she gave in and stripped. Weinstein instructed her to lie on the bed and then walked into the bathroom. After a while, he emerged naked, weighing around 300 pounds, and forced himself on her.
Afterward, McGowan rushed to the bathroom, trying to calm herself. Suddenly, she noticed a syringe in the trash can. She picked it up, examined it, and memorized the name. Unsure of what it was, she searched online and discovered it was a drug used to help “dead penises” achieve an erection. The thought that he had injected himself with it, likely still bleeding, and then entered her without a condom shocked her.
This act of intercourse was later classified by McGowan as first and third-degree rape.
Under normal circumstances, McGowan’s case would be difficult to bring to court, as it encompassed nearly all reasons for being unprosecutable. For instance, she did not resist at the time, they were in a relationship, and she reported the incident many years later. Cases lacking direct evidence and with such complicated relationships are often deemed too challenging to win, wasting the time of police or prosecutors, leading to them being dismissed or not prosecuted.
According to data from the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics in 2018, out of 1,000 sexual assault and rape cases, only 249 are reported. Based on data from the largest anti-sexual violence organization, Rainn, obtained from the FBI in 2017, only 46 suspects are arrested, 9 cases are referred to prosecutors, and ultimately only 4.6 individuals end up in prison. In contrast, among 1,000 theft cases, 619 are reported, and 37 are referred to prosecutors, making sexual assault seem like a bizarre crime where victims suffer in silence and often blame themselves.
However, the reasons for not prosecuting or filing charges highlight the public’s deep misunderstandings about sexual assault cases. On the third day of the Weinstein trial, prosecutors brought in rape trauma expert Barbara Ziv to address these misconceptions.
For example, people generally believe that victims will fight back or scream during a sexual assault. However, in cases involving adult women, 80% of victims do not resist. Their reactions can be counterintuitive—they may lie still. According to the Harvard Review of Psychiatry, this state of tonic immobility, or rigidity, is a defense mechanism that occurs when a person realizes they cannot escape danger. In animals, this is referred to as “playing dead.” A 2017 study by the Nordic Federation of Societies of Obstetrics and Gynecology found that 70% of rape victims reported feeling noticeably rigid, with 48% experiencing extreme rigidity. Many victims struggle to understand why they did not resist, and afterward, they are more susceptible to depression and post-traumatic stress.
People also commonly believe that after a sexual assault, the parties involved will no longer be in contact.
However, Ziv’s experience over 30 years with over 1,000 victims shows that maintaining contact is extremely common, as 85% of sexual assaults occur between acquaintances. Some victims find it hard to accept what happened and need some form of explanation to cope, leading them to engage with their assailants. Others may rationalize the assault as an exception because the perpetrator has many good qualities, but this often results in further victimization. Many victims pretend to forget, thinking, “My body has been destroyed, but I can still refuse to let him ruin my life, reputation, friendships, and career,” choosing to hide the incident to minimize psychological harm.
These psychological factors often lead victims to report incidents months, years, or even decades later, or never at all. Thus, the belief that “victims will report immediately” is also a misunderstanding.
Ziv also made it clear: “There are certainly instances of false reporting. Without investigation, one should not believe anyone’s claims.”
After the alleged rape, McGowan and Weinstein went downstairs to have brunch with friends. Maya was present and remarked that McGowan seemed perfectly fine. That night, McGowan said she was so afraid of Weinstein that she slept in Maya’s closet to avoid him, but Maya claimed she slept on the couch. She also mentioned that when McGowan first met Weinstein, she pinched his cheek and said, “You’re so cute.” In court, Maya appeared to harbor a deep resentment toward McGowan, stating that McGowan had done something particularly wrong to her. She claimed not to hate McGowan but had become Donna’s best ally in court.
Donna asked McGowan what she did the next day, to which McGowan replied she could not remember because she went to celebrate Weinstein’s birthday. In the following week, she texted Weinstein about the movie “Vampire Academy.” Within a month, she repeatedly messaged him, saying, “Thank you for everything you did for me,” or “I hope to see you soon,” and “Miss you, big guy.”
She also went with Maya to his company to read a script. That was McGowan’s first time showcasing her acting skills in front of him, and soon after, she saw an announcement online about the vampire movie holding open auditions.
In a shocking turn of events, she contacted Weinstein, and the two sisters were eventually arranged for a bizarre audition. They completed the entire scene only to be informed that the cameras had not been turned on, rendering the audition a sham.
Even though the film later received a mere 5.0 rating on Douban, titled “Vampire Movie,” Mayne had once cherished it as a life-changing opportunity. The dream of Cinderella’s crystal shoes shattered into pieces, turning to dust.
Was the dream worth such a price? Had she truly awakened?
In the five years that followed, she and Weinstein had an on-and-off relationship, continuing their sexual encounters. Each year, she eagerly thanked Weinstein for inviting her to the Oscars and Golden Globe parties. She sought small favors, and Weinstein sponsored her membership at the upscale Soho House, a hub for celebrities. Without a job, Weinstein introduced her to work as a hairstylist at the Peninsula Hotel. In her confusion, Weinstein suggested schools where she could further her acting skills and even offered to read her scripts. On one occasion, he even helped her resolve a traffic ticket.
She repeatedly and actively complimented and sought closeness with Weinstein. Over the five years, she changed her phone number five or six times, always informing Weinstein, “My internet connection isn’t great where I live; here’s my new number, feel free to contact me anytime.” She introduced her mother to him, saying, “My mom wants to meet you; you can see how good my genes are.” After breaking up with her boyfriend, she reached out to Weinstein: “I just broke up; I really want to have dinner with you.” She often referred to him as the “King of Hollywood,” praising his beautiful blue eyes and charming smile.
She frequently told others how good Weinstein was to her, boasting about knowing him and never complaining about his negative, domineering, or difficult nature. In court, she even began to speak positively about Weinstein: he was generous, humorous, knowledgeable, and charismatic, often elevating her like a star among stars. However, what happened behind closed doors depended on whether Mayne satisfied him.
She recounted that in January 2014, about a year into their acquaintance, Mayne violated Weinstein’s rules by dating someone within the industry, which infuriated him. She described how Weinstein’s eyes turned dark, as if he had lost control. He dragged Mayne from her chair, shouting, “You owe me; you still owe me one,” before pulling her into the bedroom, throwing her onto the bed, and ordering her to undress. Mayne pleaded with him not to do this, explaining that she already had a boyfriend. But he lunged at her, forcefully tearing off her underwear, leaving three scratch marks on her inner thigh.
She told herself to run, but she couldn’t move, not even muster the strength to put her underwear back on. Weinstein returned from the bathroom and proceeded to have intercourse with her. Mayne only remembered staring at the television, which eventually went black. She couldn’t recall if she had fainted or not; all she could remember was kneeling as Weinstein forced his penis into her mouth. It was the first time Weinstein ejaculated, and she felt close to suffocating, describing the taste as extremely disgusting. After he finished and lay on the bed, Mayne crawled into the bathroom, wanting to vomit the taste from her mouth. She didn’t want to look at herself in the mirror, but she did.
She splashed cold water on her eyes, trying to hide the traces of her tears, fearing that if Weinstein saw her cry, he would become even angrier. Then she heard Weinstein call her, saying, “Now you can date, but you can bring other girls to me; you can help me pick up girls.”
“We’re still friends, right?” he asked.
“We’re still friends,” Mayne replied.
This incident was also labeled as rape, but since it did not fall under New York’s jurisdiction, they had to wait for the Los Angeles prosecutors to take action.
If it was indeed rape, why did Mayne maintain such a close relationship with someone who harmed her? Mayne explained that when she felt hurt or angry, she would suppress her negative emotions and focus only on the positive aspects. However, this explanation was clearly insufficient. After the rape allegations, the nature of their relationship became one of the most crucial and challenging questions in court.
“Why did you compliment him?” the prosecutor asked.
“Because… I felt like, like the emperor’s new clothes, his ego was fragile.”
“Are these compliments your genuine feelings?”
“It’s not a matter of sincerity; I wanted him to think I was naive and not a threat.”
To prove she felt coerced, Mayne recounted a time when she had a huge fight with her father and was very upset. Weinstein, upon seeing this, offered to send someone to confront her father. Mayne said she feared that leaving him would put her father in danger, but she had no evidence to support this claim.
In contrast, Donna presented emails showing that Weinstein not only did not threaten Mayne but was often manipulated by her. For instance, he would change flight plans and make time to meet her, only for Mayne to stand him up. Weinstein never reprimanded her or asked why she didn’t show up.
Mayne also claimed that Weinstein yelled at her. For example, in February 2017, she emailed him, “I love you, always have. But I hate feeling like a hookup.” She said Weinstein responded by yelling, with the email filled with capital letters. Donna produced the original email, which was entirely in lowercase and elegantly written. Faced with this undeniable evidence, Mayne claimed she had misremembered. Under the pressure of her oath in court, where she had to assert that her testimony was “true, complete, and only true,” Mayne often struggled to recall facts that were unfavorable to her.
Moreover, under Donna’s questioning, Mayne admitted to lying to her mother, friends, and various people, acknowledging that she had a habit of lying.
“In this entire relationship with Weinstein, you were lying to him every time.”
“What kind of lying?”
“You made him think you wanted to be with him.”
“For my own safety, yes.”
“You always felt manipulated, but didn’t every time you had sex with him and continued to see him count as manipulating him?”
Unlike her usual eagerness to explain, this time, Mayne paused for a long time before saying:
“I did it to survive; yes, you could say that was manipulation.”
After admitting to manipulation, Donna continued to dismantle her innocent image.
“You aren’t naive, are you?” Donna asked.
“I’m observant, but I’m not that smart.”
“But you once said you weren’t naive, right?”
“I don’t want to see myself as naive.”
Faced with Donna’s attacks, Mayne sometimes became defensive: “I know these emails exist; I will take responsibility for my actions, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is a rapist!” At other times, she would say, “My relationship with him was based on my own beliefs and the ideas instilled in me by society. Maintaining a good relationship with him was always in my best interest. During that time, I was a very insecure person.” And at other moments, she would admit, “Sometimes I don’t understand myself; I ask myself why I did this.”
The entire courtroom watched as the endless intimate emails and Mayne’s inability to provide strong explanations led to a state of fatigue. Some media noticed Weinstein sleeping, or the jury dozing off, and I wasn’t surprised, as I was close to falling asleep too. In silence, Donna produced an old letter, stirring up a storm.
In 2014, Mayne found her beloved, Eddie, a certain actor from “Twilight.”
Maureen has always wanted a family, a child, and to share that happiness with Eddie. However, she has never been able to clearly explain her strange relationship with Weinstein, which makes it difficult for Eddie to accept. As she reads the long breakup letter written in April 2014, Maureen expresses anger and hatred, lies and arguments in court. The armor she wore to protect herself crumbles in an instant.
“I was desperate to start a relationship with you not for my own sake, but for love of you. My relationship with Harvey Weinstein would make you never want to speak to me again. So I was afraid and kept that relationship hidden. I told you that sometimes I felt so desperate that I thought I should only be with an older man because I was destined to fail.”
Maureen begins to choke up.
“Harvey always encouraged me, helped me, and gave me all the affirmation I needed. With his approval, I felt I could pursue my dream of making movies. When I left my father’s house, I had no home, no direction, and nothing in my life. Harvey was like a father to me; he gave me what my dad never did. My parents never affirmed me like that, and they probably never will.”
She starts to cry, but she must finish reading.
“But a part of me is hiding from him because I haven’t controlled the situation. I maintained a relationship with him because I felt there was friendship between us. I was once sexually assaulted, and after that, I began to take control of my world, engaging in sexual relationships so I wouldn’t feel used. I tried to see Harvey as my father.”
“You mean the sexual assault happened earlier, right?” At the most dramatic moment of the trial, Donna directly asks.
Maureen has no strength left to argue or even to respond; she is trapped in a sea of pain and tears. In this desperate letter longing for understanding, she mentions her early experience of being sexually assaulted in a church but never frames her relationship with Weinstein as sexual assault or rape to gain Eddie’s understanding and salvage their love.
Maureen cannot continue reading. The judge calls for a five-minute recess, and a trembling Maureen walks down from the witness stand. She looks like she needs support, but she can only walk this distance alone. Each step she takes is flooded with sorrow, drowning the entire courtroom. The five minutes pass quickly, and as the witness room opens, another wave of sadness bursts forth, accompanied by louder cries. Maureen once again walks up to the witness stand, ultimately unable to sit up straight.
Seeing the situation spiral out of control, the prosecutor steps forward, telling her to take deep breaths, but it is of no use. The prosecutor bends down and addresses her with increasingly affectionate terms: “Maureen, Jessie, Jessie dear.” But this does not comfort her at all; in front of over a hundred spectators, she cries out loud. The judge decides to adjourn for the day. Maureen walks down from the witness stand, her makeup ruined by tears, squeezing past the flashing lights of the media as she leaves.
However, leaving is only temporary. The next day, Maureen returns to court. She cannot continue reading the letter that shattered her. Donna comes to read it for her:
“I am ashamed that I am that girl, the girl you would never want to love. I work hard to heal myself, to try to understand the things that make me feel ashamed, and then move on. From the first day we met, I knew you would reject me, which is why I was always so angry. I cannot live freely; deep inside, I am often in a fierce battle, but I hide it all.”
“I feel uneasy because I have broken the religious beliefs followed by generations. I cannot love myself, I don’t know how to love myself, and I don’t know how to not take your rejection as a deep refusal. In any love we had, I felt deeply, deeply insecure.”
“I once hit rock bottom. But after being with you, all the love, all the hope, and the vision of the future made me start to fantasize. Today, I sit here, with sincerity and higher self-esteem, telling myself that what I once dreamed of was just a fantasy.”
Eddie never responded to this letter, filled with the desire to love herself but unable to, wanting to love others but being rejected, dreaming but only able to fantasize, wanting to heal but unable to, wanting to live but not knowing how. After Donna finishes reading, Maureen in court appears like a deflated balloon, no longer obsessively arguing about right and wrong. The torturous questioning ultimately halts due to her series of mental health issues.
She suffers from panic disorder, anxiety, and depression. Her psychological diagnosis states “possible borderline personality disorder,” a condition that means her mental state hovers between chaos and normalcy, unable to think or perceive herself and others normally, with extreme emotional fluctuations and aggressive tendencies. Although she refuses to be diagnosed, she admits to having paranoid delusions and that her thoughts can detach from reality.
She has self-harmed, had suicidal thoughts, and even contemplated suicide with a gun. Her heart is filled with anger and self-worth doubts. She cannot face herself directly, just like that time after the alleged rape when she did not want to see herself in the mirror, but ultimately, she did.
The shattering of dreams, the humiliation of her private life, and the unpredictability of fate pushed her toward various psychological help methods. She seems very fixated on establishing a powerful self-image. She tells her therapist, “I have completely controlled him; I can make him do whatever I want.” She tells a witch, “Weinstein wants to overstep, but I won’t let him.” She even drafted a text message to Eddie, showing it to a friend: “I knew long ago that we wouldn’t work out because from the start, I had oral sex with some rich producer in Hollywood who could ruin your career.” However, she says she never dared to send that message to Eddie because even with him, it was hard to have a normal, healthy relationship. She tells Eddie, “In our relationship, I lost to your control.”
Aside from her mental health issues, Maureen says her body has also suffered greatly. Arriving in Hollywood at 25 with dreams, Maureen wandered and struggled, ultimately dragging a body full of wreckage without becoming the actress she dreamed of being. It sounds unbelievable, but she has never appeared in any film produced by Weinstein.
In October 2017, she saw headlines about dozens of women simultaneously accusing Weinstein of sexual assault, and she recalled the years she spent with him. She picked up her phone and wrote in her diary: “When I was with him, he was usually nice to me, but there was one instance of abuse that left me confused. I didn’t know what to think; should I do something?” Then she said she broke down, and an ambulance came to take her to the emergency room.
The defense team led by Donna described Maureen’s behavior as a “redefinition” and “relabeling” of the past. Whether it is redefinition or awakening, Maureen, who had always lived under Weinstein’s wing, decided to report him. At the same time, the pain that had been carefully hidden began to unite the victims, and the power they gathered exploded globally—the #MeToo movement began.
In this tidal wave, Weinstein finally experienced what it felt like to be weak. Faced with the weapon of the internet and terrifying power, he instantly fell from king to pariah. He was fired from his own company, and the film empire he had built over the years collapsed within months; the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the British Academy of Film and Television Arts, and the Producers Guild of America urgently expelled him; the French president revoked his highest honor; and former U.S. President Obama publicly condemned him. In the end, he lost his family and has not seen his five children since, nor has he received any news from them.
But compared to other men who have been blacklisted, he is still considered lucky.
He can still stand in court and present his case. However, many men accused of sexual assault, regardless of their actual guilt, find themselves unable to even enter the judicial process due to the shortcomings of sexual assault justice. They are left to carry the labels of “rapist” and “pervert” imposed by online trials for the rest of their lives.
After 17 days of hearings and 5 long, arduous, and intense days of deliberation, on February 24, 2020, a jury composed of seven men and five women—selected from over 2,000 citizens (five times more than usual for criminal cases)—delivered a unanimous verdict. They promised to set aside their preconceptions and insisted they would not be swayed by tears. The verdict found that only the least serious charge of third-degree rape against Weinstein was valid. The first-degree rape charge was not established because Weinstein did not use violence during intercourse at the New York hotel. Since the first-degree rape charge was not established, the predatory sexual assault charge also could not be established.
In interviews after the trial, jurors stated that their conviction was based on “one incident” rather than “a relationship.” “Any fair-minded person would understand that in that incident, McGowan did not consent to intercourse,” one male juror said. Another juror remarked, “McGowan’s testimony had a significant personal impact on me, but no, it did not affect our final judgment.”
On March 11, 2020, the judge announced the sentencing. McGowan’s testimony resulted in a 3-year sentence for Weinstein. Meanwhile, another key witness, Mimi Haley, had her first-degree criminal sexual act charge upheld, leading to a 20-year sentence for Weinstein. Although Haley had a subsequent consensual sexual encounter with him after the forced oral sex, their later communications were primarily work-related, which the jury said helped them reach their decision. However, the predatory sexual assault charge against Weinstein was not upheld, as the jurors seemed to doubt the sexual assault claims made by supporting witness Annabella Sciorra.
As a result, Weinstein received a total sentence of 23 years.
This outcome satisfied feminist groups, who celebrated it as a victory: a watershed moment for the #MeToo movement. The verdict sent a message to powerful men that “you cannot hide forever.” This case brought sexual assault justice into the 21st century, allowing multiple witnesses whose cases had surpassed the statute of limitations to testify simultaneously, and finally began to address the complexities of sexual assault cases—such as consensual relationships following an assault, delayed reporting, and lack of physical evidence. More importantly, society and the courts began to better understand the intricate and nuanced nature of sexual assault cases.
However, Donna, who had lost her second major case, appeared resolute. She stated, “This disgraceful and cowardly verdict shows that the jury and the judge compromised with the #MeToo movement rather than letting the evidence speak for itself. Some murderers received lighter sentences than Weinstein; we did not achieve the justice we deserved. I am extremely angry.”
In a 2018 interview with Chicago Magazine, Donna openly stated that she believed 20% of the cases she handled were innocent, 60% were in a gray area, and 20% were truly guilty. It is unclear how she personally classified Weinstein, but according to Variety, Donna and her defense team have already filed a notice of appeal.
As for McGowan, she expressed her confusion: “I don’t understand how drug trafficking can result in a 5-20 year sentence, but my rape accusation can lead to a maximum of only 4 years. The invasion of rape is not a momentary act; it lasts a lifetime! Why is our right to not be violently harmed so undervalued? Why am I worth less than drugs?”
Weinstein finally stood up to speak. Despite his lawyers attempting to stop him several times, he insisted on sharing what he had not said over the years: “To the women who testified, although we have different versions of the truth, I feel very guilty towards all of you. I am not saying you are wrong, but when I read those letters saying ‘I miss you, I love you,’ I truly believed I had a relationship with McGowan and Mimi. I was completely bewildered; I think many men are bewildered too. I always looked at McGowan and Haley, hoping that our past feelings would somehow resurface in court.”
He frequently mentioned his past with McGowan, just as she had mentioned their friendship multiple times. However, the foundation of this relationship was transactional, an illusion, rather than respect, love, or equality.
On the day of sentencing, McGowan wore a beige sweater with three large black letters: “Love Me.” In a lengthy victim impact statement, she promised the court, “If you value me, I will become better every day from now on.”
However, compared to being valued by others, learning to love oneself, even the remnants of oneself, and realizing one’s own strength and equality with men is a much longer journey. This is not easy for victims of sexual assault; only when the long-awaited justice arrives and some misplaced shame is lifted can they begin to walk the path of self-love.
Yet, as long as sexual assault justice lags behind, as long as most of those in power remain men, and as long as online trials cannot be stopped, “we should build a culture that empowers our girls and teaches our boys to be decent and respectful, so that we can reduce such behavior,” stated former President Obama and his wife in a 2017 statement regarding the Weinstein case.
Weinstein expressed a desire to have a proper conversation with McGowan and Haley, genuinely caring for them and striving to become a better person. Unfortunately, he would no longer have the opportunity to practice decency and respect freely, as he was taken into custody.
McGowan, with a smile and tears, walked through the corridor filled with media flashbulbs, leaving the courtroom and her leading role behind.
In the aftermath, Weinstein repeatedly claimed, “I am innocent; I did not rape anyone.” He suffered a hypertension and heart disease episode and was transferred to a hospital for surgery, but the day after the operation, he was sent to prison. In the tumult of his life, he spent his 68th birthday alone in prison, contracted the rampant COVID-19 in jail, and after recovering, faced a barrage of bad news: the Los Angeles district attorney was preparing to charge him, and new lawsuits were emerging in New York and London. His remaining life seemed to be filled with nightmares. As for McGowan, she decided not to testify again and accused Weinstein in the Los Angeles case, stating she wanted to avoid the “secondary trauma” that comes with testifying.